New Prospects – New Opportunities

 

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Red Cardinal by Jenn M 2017

 

 

Today I wanted to discuss the importance to stepping out of your comfort zone. The grumbles of life can weigh a ton at times; leaving our shoulders tired and weary. Leaving the mind to fend for its self as it tries to connect the dots to a puzzle that plays in a residual loop.

How do we evolve? How do we change the mundane cycle we all have come accustomed to?  It took me some time to reflect and realize; with every new experience; with every new perspective; with every new spark of interest …we are evolving to be better than we were yesterday. So, how do we harness this exactly?Well, to be perfectly honest with you; it is rather easy. It’s human nature to remove or back away from something that is deemed a threat or toxin. It’s our warped perception of what is normal or rational that keeps us grounded to the same spot in life. Time does not seize to continue; however, you can seize to move. Some have mastered the art of having the illusion that they are moving forward. Bouncing around like a ping ball game scoring moments of bliss all to be shattered in a moment. Superficial growth is the worst. when the dust settles and the lights dim… the reality of being stuck in that time capsule from those stark memoirs of the past plagues the reflection in the mirror. I know because I have been guilty of this too.

 

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Wild Flowers by Jenn M 2017

 

Grasping every motivational slogan I can to push me through the day. Picking up every self-help book I can put my gritty little fingers on. Taking those steps to what I thought was helping me get closer to a better me. Well, that all went up in smoke. Sure we gain valuable insights about ourselves, so I can’t say it was a complete waste. But, what I  can say is; there weren’t any substances to give those new changes life.

 

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Magnolia Leaves by Jenn M 2017 

 

Now, I have found the missing link. I needed to change my daily routine. Purge all that brought me sorrow and pain. Letting go of the things that made it difficult to get out of bed every morning. I no longer work a typical 9-5 job. Staring at spreadsheets for about 80% of my day was slowing leading me down a dark hole of suffocation. The struggle was real…taking that first step to say; I quit. Those were the hardest words to say as they carried the weight of so much responsibility. Picturing my kids, my husband, and even my pets. Having glimpses of living on the streets with nowhere to go almost kept those words locked away. But the pain in my chest reminded me of the late nights with little to no interaction with my kids. Reminded me of the hard work I put in day after day for someone else to reap the benefit. To see bonuses that should have been mine given to a manager that never lifted a finger to assist on those complicated projects.

 

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Pomegranate Branches (New Growth) by Jenn M 2017

 

I had to make a change and it has been the best choice I have ever made! Time is now on my watch versus the clock controlling me. Who knew all I needed was to have the belief in myself. To trust my own instincts that I knew and was very capable of making it in anything I ever chose to pursue. So, the best lesson I have learned the last few weeks has been, New prospects lead the some of the best opportunities. So,  I want to challenge you to try something new. Step out of your comfort zone. Soon you will not only surprise yourself but those around you will enjoy your smile as they see you evolve to who you always wanted to be!

 

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Wild Flowers 2  (So Many Opportunites) by Jenn M 2017 

 

Shades of Depression: My Journey #2

​Whisper breeze

Clapping leaves

Chirping birds among the trees

The song of life means the world to me…

After a long night of restless sleep; I was pleasantly surprised to wake with smile. Has that ever happened to you? When you fall asleep with a scornful frown from the headache of that day but wake with a smile for no apparent reason. That was me today. Maybe it was from the fun weekend I had catching up with a special someone that I havent seen in 3 years or visiting with family from out of town. Maybe it was from the fun evening I had with family that I haven’t seen in ages and the way they welcomed me with open arms…

Whatever the case may be…the feeling of renewing optimism seems to be taking hold. The past is not of importance today, the future will just have to wait…something tells me to enjoy this moment. Be attentive to those I surround myself with and embrace the smiles shared.

Smiles…they are wonderfully given. Some of the best smiles I have received have been from total strangers. A while back, I was shopping at the outlets with my family. I noticed my knee was bothering me again, so I chose to sit on the bench outside the store to rest. Soon after, a woman, well over my senior, came to sit next to me.

Trees from Rio Vista Park by Jenn M

She chuckled and said…”your knee got the best of you too?” I smiled and said, “yes,ma’am”. She further explains that she had seen me in a few stores back and noticed I was limping a bit. She also said, she could tell I was wincing but smiled assuring the kids that I was good. Allowing them to shop freely.

Her observation surprised me. I explained how it has been a while since I was able to take them shopping with the stack of medical bills that never seizes to stop piling up. I remember it feeling so easy to talk with her. We ultimately chatted for about 15 minutes but it felt like hours. She expressed her need to keep spending time with her grandbabies and how everyday was a new opportunity to say  “I love you” to the ones we love.

I talk to many people but seldom do I meet a stranger that speaks with such genuine sincerity. To meet someone to be openly honest and content with life is very inspiring. Surprisingly enough, we chatted about everything from family moments, gardening to our favorite books but we never exchanged names. Yet, it seems like every so often, on days like today, her shimmering blue eyes and her sweet smile seems to remind me …. Today, is a new opportunity to say, “I love you” to my loved ones. Smile and laugh with those around me and above all, embrace each moment. Be present versus being distracted with social media or the constant search for greener pastures. Take a moment to water my own grass and one day it will be the best shade of green….

Spring Grass by Jenn M

Shades of Depression: My Journey #1

 

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White Rose by JennM 2017

 

 

Today, I woke with the intense feeling of needing to touch base on a subject many try to avoid. The subject of choice, depression. In this day in age; where there is an abundance of tools and resources available at the tip of our fingers; it is not likely that many would openly admit they have fallen into some sort of entanglement of depression.

We are a driven species constantly evolving with time and experience; yet, there are moments when doubt seems to creep it’s way in;  leading us to second guess our decisions or in many severe cases; remain stagnant. Speaking from my own experience; depression has a way to impact not only our perspective towards life but also has the tendency to impact us on a more physical level.

Stress, in general, can cause headaches, night sweats, aches and pains throughout the body. This is due to our body stiffing up from tense situations. I have had moments when my stress levels would get so high to the point that I literally felt the burn deep within my chest. So, how do I deal with stress? Well, I wish I had a clear-cut answer for you, but to be honest; there are days when the many distractions prove to be just a distraction and the issue or problem grows in significance.  Days of insomnia begin to trickle in and hours become minutes with time lost.

Since I was a child; I have dealt with several levels of depression. All of which never really had the guidance of a professional.  I buried myself in books, admired art, explored the land through hikes. I never realized it until recently that I was escaping from the life around me. Becoming a true introvert. Learning new things purposely chosen to be completed alone. Is that always the smartest technique? Well, no and yes. Yes as these new projects or skills helped me trudge through some of the lowest parts of my life. To the world around me; I am strong, independent, intelligent, optimistic and in many cases, self-motivated. What many don’t see is the struggle it is to get out of bed. Or the days when I every second seems to sting liked burning needles are traveling through my body. When weepy tears seem to fall with even the slightest invitation of a moment of silence.

You see, no matter how many projects I start; there is always an end. When the dust settles; the conflict of my issues still remain. People say to forgive those that have inflicted pain or heartache but what they don’t tell you is that it is extremely harder to do than said. Sometimes, the level of forgiveness changes just to get through the day. I know I have days when It seems like I need to forgive every minute of the day. Brimming tears are always hidden behind a smile and laughter mask the bellows of anger… pain. I’ve reached a level of self-reflection to understand the importance of filling in the void with something meaningful. The importance of trust and honesty.

The older I  get, the more I want to break out of my shell and allow others into my world but I am more worried about my world getting tainted. Does that make sense? I’ve gladly been alone for so long but now the superficial layers of smiles and giggles no longer warm the heart. I guess what I’m getting at is… I want … no, I need to have a genuine connection. But, I ask myself, “Is my joy of solitude and isolation worth the risk of opening the door for another just to feel connected? Is the image of that picture-perfect gathering real or just a facade of what society deems as a must have to be complete?”

 

Etched Deceit

Etched Deceit


Enticing words with mirrored lies…

Salacious sweets of devilish deceit…

Crossroads of burdens to either road…

Truths hold no bearing…

Logic has escaped the mind…

Choices may not be told but consequences will not be denied …

Imprinted to the heart,

Affixed to each word,

Conviction will scream & shout…

Integrity will demand to be heard…

Greener pastures dwindle brown,

Seasons renew to seize,

Death brings no mercy,

Tears of sorrow will forever sing,

As treacherous lies continues to ring,

The soulful bellows of saddness streams….

Alone

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Womans Face by Lizzie Bishop

 

Alone

 

Vast and void are my thoughts …

Lost in sorrow’s transgressions …

Hollowed hellos muffle soulful tears …

Hesitant smiles prick each cheek …

Solemn movements tread each step …

Sighs of anguished defeat …

Through the shackles of isolation …

Through the chastising of solitude’s exquisite desolation…

Alone I sit,

Whips of curses,

Lashes of inflicted strikes,

No one listens,

No one sees,

No one makes the effort to truly understand me,

Alone I sit,

Alone I cry,

Alone I seek crimson streaks…

After moments trapped in agony’s grasp,

Alone I stand on my own two feet….

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unspoken 

Characters of the Night Series
Marmol Negro by Fabian Perez




Unspoken


Murmurs of what once was life…

Trickling down each grain…

Deposits of old dunes; crafted with ease by the winds tides…

Images of memoirs depicted of life’s robust encounters…

My heart sits,

My soul shifts,

Tears bring the bellowing Drums of unforgotten words unsaid…

Reminiscing of moments once shared…

Regretting moments missed…

Relishing  the frustrated anger…

A broken heart brings knuckled white fist,

Beating each glass,

Taking each sip,

Letting Jack build confidence…

Hammering the table…

Proclaiming… “I don’t give a s***”…

Equal parts to blame,

Both fuel hurt with anger to mask our pain,

Two to tango,

Both to shame,

You’re just as guilty as I…

But while you’re free…

I’m still Shackled…

Hell bound to this linguistic torture…

of words unsaid…

Words misused…

Lost words of impeccable truths….

Blank to the Eye

 

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Hide & Seek by Lauri Blank

 

 

 

Blank to the Eye

 

With simple words, my heart lifts beyond your peering scope…

Beyond the horizon, lost in tranquil blues and pinks…your eyes fixated of the beautiful haze…

Peace knocks…but do you answer? Your cell rings and you fumble to hellos…

How am I different you ask over and over …

 

Let me break it down to the most basic of forms,

 

I live in each moment; relishing the delightful sweets and its bitter tonics,

I smile so brightly; the sun beams of envy,

I love with such intense passion; the moon can’t help but fervently covet every notion,

 

Embracing the soul’s sensuality; as it connects beyond cosmic pandemonium, luring the hearts desires,

Allowing the inner me to rift through the enticements of harmonic chaos…

Breathing life to the purest form of self-acceptance…

 

A reflection of me is that of a blank canvas…

Bleak…plain… with nothing of substance to the naked eye;

But if I let you look closely….

A magnificent masterpiece sits awaiting your peering wonderment,

Perfectly depicting hidden stories untold, Escapades of the heart’s content,

Captured in hues of glory, igniting the ember ruins of old pillared chambers,

Each with its own secrets whispered with each breath…

All yielded by the brush of Emotion’s stroke shifting in that of a blink…

Of course, this all comes with its own stipulation…

…That is if I choose to allow you to know the real me….

 

Enjoying The Joyful Chaos of Life

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