KOTOKO by Francoise Nielly
Artwork visible at: FRANCE HONFLEUR
Insomnia can be a raging bitch when she wants to be. Eyes constantly bloodshot with a burn as if you just doused a bottle of Black Barrel . She brings the constant migraine that never fully leaves. It rest just behind the eyes to which light becomes the enemy. Sanity becomes questionable… With no warning or text; that heifer just loves to come to steal every aspect of you. Not out of love and affection but rather out of spite…the entitlement to her very existence is to wreck havoc… Trust and believe; she does it extremely well. When her talons dig in; there is no escape…
Those who deal with insomnia knows firsthand of what I’m going to share with you… We have days when the fact of a 48-hour sleep deprivation can be tolerable with shots of caffeine and the combination of titillating stimulation of selfish interest; mirrored with hectic promises to others. It’s when we approach the 72 -96-hour mark that you should be wary. A week in and you should run for the hills; two weeks with maybe 96- hours of sleep total – you should have left when you had the chance.
In case you may not realize; life does not stop because we do not sleep; we don’t complain about it; we don’t ask for handouts; we sure as hell won’t ask for your opinion…Why do you ask…? Well, those of us that understand what we deal with; know our limitations.
We know that we are going to flip a switch and make everyone around us feel like they have been engulfed by the deepest pits of insignificance. We know you truly do not understand; so please, unless you are having insomniac nights; keep that speech, ok? We have researched and experimented with every natural as well as manmade, sedative there is; so, if we say that doesn’t work – respect it and move along. No, you do not know the self-destruction that happens in the darkest hours unless you are trapped somewhere in our dissociative mind that we’re unaware of… and if that’s the case – get the fuck out. If we wanted you there we would capture you in our opaque chasms; besides are you sure you really want to know what lurks behind the shadows? ? Can you say you truly can handle it??
The kicker to all this is that when our bodies do allow for sleep to kick in; I mean that good, deep, replenishing, dreamless sleep; do not blow up the phone; ring the doorbell 30 times and please, if it’s not life threatening – the issue can wait…. Just sayin, if you respect the process we might not rip your head off with cutting insults and passive gestures…you stay in your lane and we will stay in ours. We know we are screwed’ we don’t need a bullet point to show us but you may need a neon arrow to show you the exit… Look I’m not trying to be condescending but common sense should hold you to some degree.